Conflicts with Friends: 13 Ways to Communicate Without Drama

Phillips says these approaches can work on a smaller scale too. Recently, Phillips says he used them to repair a long-time friendship damaged by sharp political differences. Philips offered an olive branch by voicing respect for his friend’s viewpoint, and appreciation for the social background that led him there. Phillips says he’s seen people emotionally disarm the opposition in a disagreement simply by recognizing their humanity.

• Trust in their ability to decide for themselves, and ask gently ahead of time.
• Below are resources online and in print that can help your Quaker community effectively respond to internal and external conflicts as they arise.
• Showing respect for another’s differences may go a very long way.
• This might look like agreeing to avoid a certain topic, or it might mean deprioritizing the friendship so that you’re only seeing each other in larger group settings and keeping conversations more surface-level, says Dr. Kirmayer.

It can bring together fierce adversaries, and change history. The violence in Israel and Gaza is triggering often overheated discussions among friends, family and strangers. This comes on top of other, increasingly sharp, rifts in the U.S., including fights over gun control, policing, abortion and other social and political issues. While you want to be respectful and how to deal with someone who avoids conflict attentive to others as much as you can, you don’t want to bend over backwards or twist yourself into a knot just to make someone else happy or satisfied, or to keep the peace. Never allow any personal interaction or relationship to infringe upon or challenge your own well-being. Visualize your boundaries, that protective territory between you and someone else.

Resist emotional reactions

One way someone might do this is by cultivating a sense of self-worth around the ability to influence the actions of others. One study found that people with a high tendency to seek power were more likely to give advice than those with an opposite tendency. It’s best to set boundaries in a way that takes into account the individual’s underlying reasons for doing what they’re doing to avoid unnecessary conflict and more stress. Rachel Goldman, PhD FTOS, is a licensed psychologist, clinical assistant professor, speaker, wellness expert specializing in eating behaviors, stress management, and health behavior change.

• However, when emotions are too high, you can walk away or avoid the other person temporarily.
• Try to remain uncompetitive when approaching someone on the defense.
• When advising a friend in such a situation, it’s crucial to emphasize the importance of healthy communication and confrontation.
• Just listening, rather than trying to engage, may be enough to allow someone to feel like they have the opportunity to say what’s on their mind.
• Emotional awareness—the consciousness of your moment-to-moment emotional experience—and the ability to manage all of your feelings appropriately, is the basis of a communication process that can resolve conflict.

The most important priority in the face of a confrontational and hostile individual is to protect yourself. Should you decide to deal with the aggressor, consider the following skills and strategies. Conflict is part of the human existence, but ignoring or actively avoiding it causes harm that can have long-term consequences for everyone impacted by it. Below are resources online and in print that can help your Quaker community effectively respond to internal and external conflicts as they arise.

Keys to Handling Hostile and Confrontational People

And then there’s that special situation where families gather together for a special occasion or holiday. It’s best to plan ahead so that you have a good idea about how time will be spent with relatives. Surround yourself with people you get along with, supportive people who care about you, people who are there to enjoy time together.

• However, like any relationship, friendships can also experience conflicts and disagreements.
• Instead, try to ask respectful questions that will help you understand their point of view.
• Conflict can result when people have differences in opinions, beliefs, and thinking.
• Your ability to handle conflict, however, depends on being connected to these feelings.

History and experiences should tell you that these subjects should be avoided at all costs. That’s not to say that important issues should be permanently avoided. After an argument or conflict with a friend, it’s often helpful to see them face-to-face instead of trying to work through things via text, messaging, or even on the phone.

Choosing a Healthy Response

You can choose to help them deal with their emotions or let them regain their composure to talk another time. Who should I feel sorry for and whose pain should I disregard? Broadcast by Channel 4 in 2011, The Promise tells the story of a young British woman (Claire Foy) who goes to Israel to stay with her friend’s wealthy family. There, as she witnesses the brutality of the Israeli occupation in Gaza and the West Bank, she reads the diaries of her grandfather, a British soldier stationed in Palestine after the second world war. The drama shifts back and forth between 1948 and 2005, underpinned by interviews with British veterans, members of armed Zionist groups, spies, peace activists and soldiers.

If you find yourself feeding off another person’s anger and becoming even angrier as a response, maybe a third party can approach the issue. Since you can’t always avoid conflict, it may be beneficial to consider these tips and tricks for communicating effectively, especially with someone defensive. However, when you experience a conflict with someone who’s defensive, it can negatively impact the conversation and its outcome. The people around us have a stronger influence on our decisions and actions than we realize.

Peace activists in Israel speak about their hopes for the end of war

Like… if two of those friends are fighting, and you’re having to hear all about it. When you can recognize conflicting needs and are willing to examine them with compassion and understanding, it can lead to creative problem solving, team building, and stronger relationships. Lamb reached out to each friend individually and gauged their willingness for a group conversation; they all agreed to have one. In early May, they gathered in person (with one friend tuning in virtually) to have an open discussion with Lamb as their facilitator. With conversational guidelines painted onto a poster as a North Star, the ground rules were set. The gentle reminders encouraged the women to release any spirit of defensiveness, refrain from interrupting others, assume best intent — but mind impact — pause and take a deep breath if needed, and partake in other helpful actions.

It’s such a brilliant story, asking who is the victim and who is the aggressor – and what does it mean to win? It addresses the struggle to remain human inside dehumanising propaganda on both sides. This has changed the way I see the fabric of Israeli society and helped me feel more in solidarity with the Mizrahi Jews. This article is featured in the May 2020 issue of FGC’s Vital Friends eNewsletter.